Monday, October 29, 2012

Monthly TOEFL Essay #2: Dynamic changes will be made


            Having born on 1996, I lived in both centuries, the 20th century and the 21st century and maybe I would be able to live in the 22nd century because the world is changing every second. The evolvement of the technology is so quick that it is almost impossible to catch up with all the new technologies. Due to the complex technologies, there are only minority who masters all the technologies when ordinary people are gaining from the benefits of these technologies. Technologies will evolve even faster than now as time goes on and would make ordinary people’s life more comfortable.
            First, the awesome machines will keep being upgraded every year or even month. Electronic companies such as Apple and Samsung, they have sought for improvement in machines and they kept on their work. Due to their work, there have been a tremendous change and there will be more shocking transitions in electro devices. Since cell phone was invented, there have been a lot of changes made. The first cell phone was only used for calling with no screen and it was huge. Then, the screen appeared, simultaneously, the size got a lot smaller. Ordinary people were able to carry cell phones. The gray scale screen changed to colorful screen plus, new functions were added to cell phones like camera and messages. Today, there are smart phones. Smart phones have touch screen that is very vivid and it enables the user to surf on the Internet when he or she wants to.
            Not only electro devices, people will be able to live a healthier life and an extended life due to medical transitions. Robots are starting to accomplish complicated surgeries instead of surgeons. Therefore, complex surgeries can be done which will cure a lot of incurable diseases. One of the most diseases that are threatening the lives of human is cancer. Some of the cancers are curable but if the patient comes in too late or, the cancer is located somewhere untouchable, there is no way to treat the patient. Because of this situation, many doctors and mechanics are trying hard to think of new treatment procedures and special tools that will help patients with cancer.
            One another extreme change is related to the universe. Universe is very distinct from Earth and people have been always curious about the universe. For the present time, all the developed nations are making rockets that would enable human being to go to the universe and researches about the universe whether there are organisms or not. Technologies are getting advanced every year which means that many years later, people could live outer Earth. This will be a tremendous change because living in the outer Earth means living where there is no water, gravity and air. It seems almost impossible but there is a high possibility this will be a success due to the fast technology change.
            Every year is very distinct from another which means that the world is changing very fast. So by end of the 21st century, there will be series of innovations in diverse areas which will make people’s lives more comfortable. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi Seunghee! I really enjoyed your essay, and here is my feedback. :)

    1. I think your introduction can be little stronger. You talk about how you have observed bot 20th and 21st centuries, and then move onto the topic of technology. Another method of starting your essay (e.g. more specific personal example about technological improvement, quotes, specific examples of technologies) would have given your essay more momentum.

    2. You have a nicely organized and balanced essay.

    3. I think your first argument can be more specific. Just by reading your topic sentence, I couldn't grab an idea of what you were trying to discuss in the paragraph. You may paraphrase it by specifically targeting the 'convenience' or 'utility' of new technologies.

    Nice work :)

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